WINICTA

Kategori: Personal

Purple Nails

Det blev lila naglar. Jag är urnöjd. Jag lyckades igår boka en sistaminuten-tid idag på en salong inne i stan. Det blev gelennaglar med gellack samt förlängning. Det som är lite irriterande bara är att det går så fruktansvärt långsamt att skriva på tangentbordet eftersom jag inte har vant mig vid hur jag ska skriva med lösnaglar än.

Sen har jag inte gjort så mycket mer idag än att ha käkat ostchips och charkbitar.

Jag har sedan bara slökollat på TV, youtube och beställt lite mer MSM, kollagen och några mjölksyretabletter. Samt att jag har beställt några sminkartiklar.

I now have purple nails! I’m very pleased with the results. Yesterday I managed to book a last minute appointment today at a salon in town. I chose gel nails with gel polish and with extensions. What’s a little annoying is just that Im so terribly slow at typing on the keyboard since I’m not used to have fake nails.
After this I haven’t done much more for today than chewing cheese chips and pieces of charcuterie.
I have since just been lazy watching TV, youtube and ordered a little more MSM, collagen and some lactic acid tablets. And that I have ordered some make-up items
.

Good Morning!

God morgon! Idag är det lördag och det enda jag har inplanerat är att träna och fixa mina naglar. Jag skulle egentligen träffa några gamla kollegor idag, men det blev inställt tidigare i veckan.

En annan sak som har hänt är att jag har valt att gå tillbaka fulltid till jobbet igen. Det här med att studera juridik var inte min grej. Det kändes som att en sten lättare från mitt hjärta. Gud så skönt att jag slippet detta nu. Nu kan jag fokusera på en två saker. Jobbet och mig själv.

Update om det här med kaffe. Det konstiga är att när jag börjar vänja mig av vid kaffet här hemma tycker jag ibland att det doftar sot. Det smakar inte alls gott. Jag undrar vad det kan bero på. Jag fick samma sak när jag hade varit utomlands förra året och kom hem till kaffet här hemma. Det gick inte att dricka.

Däremot drack jag två koppar på jobbet på eftermiddagen. Det var nog därför jag hade en mega huvudvärk igår. Försökte att rädda det med en halv kopp av kaffet här hemma, men det smakade verkligen inte bra.

Today is Saturday and the only thing I have planned is to go to the gym and fix my nails. I was actually going to meet some old colleagues today, but the gathering got cancelled earlier this week.
Another thing that has happened is that I have chosen to go back to work full time again. Studying law was not my thing. It felt like a stone lighter from my heart. So nice that I got rid of this problem. Now I can focus on one two things. The job and myself.

Update on this with coffee. The strange thing is that when I start to get used to the coffee here at home, I sometimes think it smells sooty. It does not taste good at all. I wonder what it could be due to. I got the same thing when I had been abroad for the year and came home for coffee here at home. Could not drink.

However, I drank two cups at work in the afternoon back on thursday. That was probably why I had a mega headache yesterday. Tried to save it with half a cup of coffee here at home, but it really did not taste good.

Canceled Visit

Idag fyller min kära mamma år och jag hade egentligen planer på att åka och besöka henne. Tanken var att jag skulle ta tåget till Sala och möta upp henne och sen skulle vi ha en heldag tillsammans för att sedan åka hem på söndagen. Tyvärr blev hon sjuk och var tvungen att ställa in. Så nu har vi bokat om det till en annan helg längre fram.

Så idag vet jag faktiskt inte riktigt vad jag ska hitta på mer än att titta lite på film, läsa någon bok kanske. Fast det gillar jag också.

Något jag har funderat på senaste tiden är mitt behov till att uttrycka mig kreativt. Det är något som jag tror är jätteviktigt för mig. Det känns som att jag måste det. Det lustiga är att jag såg ett klipp med Jordan Peterson om just detta med kreativa personer och hur de måste kunna uttrycka sig. Han beskriver att kreativa personer “dör” om de inte får uttycka sin kreativitet. Precis så känner jag. Jag tror faktiskt att jag dör lite inombords om jag inte får uttrycka den.

Som yngre älskade jag att baka, fotografera, redigera foton, leka i photoshop, blogga, sminka mig. Det var roligt att få skapa något. Leka med färger, former och text. Det fanns inga regler utan det var bara fantasin som satte gränser. Jag blev även bättre och bättre med tiden allt eftersom jag lärde mig mer.

När jag tittar tillbaka på tiden i skolan tyckte jag faktiskt att de kreativa ämnena, alltså bild, syslöjd, hemkunskap (dock inte musik) var de roligaste ämnena. På gymnasiet hade vi en kurs i digital bild. Det var den roligaste kursen på under hela gymnasietiden. Även matte var helt okej. Kanske för att jag aldrig hade särskilt svårt för matten trots att jag kunde ha ansträngt mig lite mer för ett bättre betyg. Det här får mig att fundera över varför jag inte valde ett mer kreativt yrke. Jag borde bli mer kreativ på min fritid igen.

Today is my dear mother’s birthday and I actually had plans to go and visit her. The idea was that I would take the train to Sala and meet her and then we would have a full day together and then I would take the train home on Sunday. Unfortunately, she became ill and had to cancel. So now we have rebooked it for another weekend later in november.

So today I actually don’t really know what to do more than watch a movie, read a book maybe. But I like that too.

Something I have been thinking about lately is my need to express myself creatively. This is something that I think is very important to me. It feels like I have to. The funny thing is that I saw a clip with Jordan Peterson about just this with creative people and how they must be able to express themselves. He describes that creative people “die” if they are not allowed to express their creativity. That’s exactly how I feel. I actually think I’ll die a little inside if I’m not allowed to express it.

When I was younger, I loved baking, photography, editing photos, playing in photoshop, blogging and being creative with make-up. It was fun to create something. Play with colors, shapes and text. There were no rules, only the imagination could set limits. I also got better and better with time as I learned more.

When I look back on my time at school, I actually thought that the creative subjects such as painting, needlework, home knowledge (but not music) were the most fun subjects. In high school we had a course in digital image. It was the most fun course of them all. Even if math was quite okay. Maybe because I never had a particularly hard time with math, even though I could have put in a little more effort for a better grade. This makes we think about why I didn’t chose a more creative job. Maybe I should be more creative on my free time.

Three-course lunch

Igår firade jag en vän till mig vars födelsedag var igår. Jag gjorde en lunch med tre rätter. Alla rätter enligt LCHF. Det var en framgång. Jag var mycket nöjd med resultatet!

Kvällen innan, med andra ord på torsdagskvällen, gjorde jag chokladkakan som skulle vara kakans första lager. Jag tvekade lite när jag tog kakan ur ugnen efter bara 7 minuter. Den kändes lite väl kladdig, men det blev ganska bra. Tyvärr har jag inget foto av efter att kakan har bakats. Ovanpå kakan gjorde jag en hallonpannacotta och lämnade den i frysen i ungefär fyra timmar. Detta gjorde jag på morgonen efter att chokladbotten hade bakats. Receptet hittade jag på lesscarbs.se (länk finns nedan).

Till förrätt gjorde jag en räkcoctail med räkor, avokado, tomat, sallad med en dressingsås på creme fraiche, dijon, citron, dill, gräslök, salt och peppar. Supergott! Här får man ta i med kryddningen för att det inte ska bli för smaklöst.

Som huvudrätt köpte jag varsin skiva entrecote och gjorde en hemgjord béarnaisesås. Eftersom jag gillar att hålla måltider enkla bakade jag lite spetskål i ugnen i ungefär tio minuter med lite olja och salt. Det är allt! Det här var min tre-rätters lunch. Enkelt och väldigt gott!

Om någon vill ha receptet kan jag länka in här nedan.

Yesterday I celebrated a friend of mine whose birthday was yesterday. I made a three-cource lunch. All low carb. It was a success. I was very pleased with the results.

On the evening the night before, in other words on Thursday evening, I made the chocolate cake that was supposed to be the first layer of the cake. I was a little hesitant when I took the cake out of the oven after only 7 minutes. But it turned out pretty good. Unfortunately I don’t have a photo of after the cake being baked. On top of the cake I did a raspberry pannacotta and left it in the freezer for about four hours. This I did on the morning after the chocolate bottom being baked.

For starter I made a shrimp coctail with shrimps, avocado, tomato, lettuce with a dressing sauce made on creme fraiche, dijon, lemon, dill, chive, salt and pepper.

For main course I bought a slice of entrecote and made some home-made
béarnaise sauce. Because I like to keep things simple I baked some point cabbage in the oven for about ten minutes with some oil and salt. That’s it! This was my three-course lunch. Simple and very tasty!

If some one would like to have the recipe I can link in here. But notice that they are in swedish with swedish measures.

Tuesday

It’s a rainy day today. Both on the outside and the inside of myself. I do not know why I have reacted so strongly today, but I have felt really sad. There is nothing worse than when my emotions take over my body and I feel that the crying is in my throat and that I can not stop it. It’s even worse when I’m out in public.

Unfortunately, I can not put my finger on why I feel this way today. It was just such a day. Maybe it’s a form of realization that I’m living a life I do not want to live at the moment or a sadness that is trying to talk to me about me wanting something more. Or maybe it’s a sense of failure. I don’t really know.

I feel like pulling the blanket of my head and pretend that I don’t have to face these feelings. I want to drown my feelings in coffee, sugar and candy, but I won’t. I’m better than this. I just want it to be over.

2 AM

Woke up at 2 AM today and I’m still not that tired after all. Quite strange if you ask me. I think something has happened in my body because this would never have happened six months ago. I believe it’s the diet and cutting all the things taking my energy.

Because of the lack of sleep I went to the gym in the morning before work. I like the idea of beeing done with my workout before the day even starts. Especially after work. I don’t need to think about it anymore until the next day. Couldn’t be better.

I hope I will feel the same way when I wake up tomorrow. The second day at the office is always the most energetic. The second day is not so much. Let’s see.

Tarot Reading

Today I went to a woman who does tarot reading. Not that I take these things dead serious. I see this more of a fun thing to do from time to tome instead of thinking that she will give me the answers about my future. Because nobody can. That I know. And no, I’m not stupid. I actually know that our future isn’t predetermined. Our future is affected by our choices and can always (almost anyway) change them and choose a different path in life. But I like the feeling of hope.

I believe that some people manage to steer their life just by making a decision and somehow they succeed in the first trial. I’m not one of those people. I’m one of those who needs to fail first, which leads me to getting a “click-moment”. What I mean by that is that I often need something bad to happen to me or I need to fail at something before I can change my life to the positive. Take work for example. I often believe I need to fail at a task before I can master it. I’m not one of those who can just deside to master something and then do it. It’s like a need that failure to understand what it takes of me. I think this is associated with my poor self confidence. Or should I say, non existing self confidence. I have doubts of myself during the first time and then when I actually fail, the failure confirms my thoughts. But I always know that it’s only one way from the bottom and it’s up.

Anyhow. Back to my session from today. She talked about my future and how I’m supposed to meet a guy. Not now, but in the future. Pjuh! Otherwise I would be really sad if she said something different. She said I need to heal first. This guy I would meet would be through school. So she asked if I was going to study or if I had thoughts of studying. She was correct about that. I am thinking of going back to school again. I’m studying right now but at distance and only one course in law. I work part-time right now. She said I was a bit hesitant about the decision and oboy she was right about that. You can’t be more hesitant than I currently am.

She also talked about a loan. I guess she meant a student loan. Because I would need help with the financials. She said I should follow my intuition and my heart about what to study. But I would be great as a teacher or something creative. I totally agree.

She talked about me feeling fooled. That someone has made me feel stupid, tricked and that this person has two sides. That this person isn’t who it seems to be. She was totally right about that as well. I know who she is talking about. Her lesson to me was not to give this person my energy because in fact I’m very talented, I just need to believe it myself.

She also talked about that I’m living in a box right now. That life is so much more than how I see it right now. She told me to get out of my box and start living a little. Let go of some things. Letting go of my control needs.

Another topic she mentioned was that it’s important that I rest and do something for myself. Go fixing my hair, nails or buying myself some flowers. Anything. Or take a day of. She was so right about that. I never do anything like that for myself. Never. I thought about that yesterday actually. So it was pretty funny when she mentioned it today.

I’m chocked over the things she said, there were so many things she was spot on. Things that she couldn’t know about me and things I haven’t talked about with anyone.

But the one thing I will bring with me from this session besides the things I mentioned above was about my creativity. She said I need to get it out there. Not only for myself or my neighbor, for everyone. I guess she’s talking about my writing.

Beeing highly sensitive and high sensation seeking

There are days I wonder if there is something wrong with me. For real. I don’t have trouble making friends. I don’t have trouble with getting a job, I’m not the smartest but not the stupidest either and I don’t have trouble with getting a boyfriend (if I just started believing a little bit in my self). But still I feel like nothing really feels truly good at the moment. I just can’t get it right. It’s a really strange feeling. Don’t get me wrong. I appreciate all my friends, my job and the guys showing me some sort of interest. The problem is the feeling of being in the wrong place. It’s so strange and I can’t figure out what I’m supposed to do instead of the life I’m living right now. Or I am feeling like this because I don’t have patience enough?

I red that besides beeing highly senstive you could also be high sensation seeking. I beleive this is the case for me. What does that mean? I will explain.

To explain it shortly a highly sensitive person is one who:

To many impressions, sounds or/and new environments exhaust you.

You are very intuitive and need more time alone to recharge their batteries.

You respond to stress very negative .

You notice how others feel and can pick up others emotions and energy very easily.

You have a rich inner life, which means that you feel and think alot but don’t always show it to others.

You are an expert on details.

These are only a few of the signs that could explain a highly sensitive person and there are many more and not all of them applies to everyone that are highly sensitive. Me on the other hand also have the ability to act as an highly sensation seeker. This means that you besides beeing a highly sensitive person have a tendency of striving for wanting more and exploring new things and being creative. These sides don’t always go together which often results in me feeling burned out.

I love to be creative and I love to explore new things even though I sometimes can be very scarred of new situations. I love it so much I can start to many projects at the same time and then burn out. This results in a month of not doing anything special at all besides going to work and then when my energy comes back I start the process all over.

I fight everyday with keeping a balance between my to sides. I sometimes want more and think to myself that my life is to simple, to boring and some days I want nothing more than beeing lazy on the sofa and to do nothing all day. You could say that a person like me can have extreme mood swings. A day isn’t as it was yesterday.

Back to writing

Back again. It has been several weeks since I wrote my last post. I gave up. I didn’t feel like writing anymore. I felt that it didn’t matter if I wrote or not. No one would read it anyway. So what does it matter? But it does matter. For my own sake. I write for myself and not for anyone else. It’s important that I try to remember this.

So what has happened during these weeks? A lot. I have changed my diet once more. I quit sugar, carbs (I can eat some carbs sometime), I broke up with a friend and repaired the relationship (it isn’t the same kind of relationship anymore, but we are still friends), started studying and started weigh training again. Many more things has happened but these are the things I can remember right now. Oh, I quit drinking as well. It feels so much better. I have much more energy during the day without the sugars, carbs and the extra vitamins I’m taking. I can concentrate all day now without the attacks of hunger feelings. I also improved my sleep.

So yes, many things has happened during these passing weeks and I started to miss writing. My only problem with the writing is that I’m missing some kind of theme. It seems that you need to have a theme on your blog for it to be interesting. But again, I’m writing for myself. So I can’t come up with a theme that will be interesting enough. At the same time I can come up with like a thousands themes that I could write about. Maybe I should just write about my life instead. It will more sustainable for me in the long run.

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